Painting on the wall

It was a breezy evening in February, Alankrita and Nimi sat on the terrace drinking tea and painting the wall. They wanted to fill this particular wall up with huge colourful bohemian flowers to brighten up their favourite place. They loved to hang out here, away from their mundane life and create a beautiful world of their own. Nimi often sat there looking at the trees and the birds flying around while Alankrita continued to paint.

For 37 year old Nimi, painting was an integral part of her life where she found hidden facets of her personality and discovered secrets about herself and her life which she was usually too scared to confront. Painting helped her gently confront those parts in her psyche and slowly heal them.

Not every story has a violent secret hidden underneath the layers to make it sound interesting to the reader, dealing with life and self-discovery is a huge enough challenge too.

Of late, she had realised that inspite of everything being perfect on the surface in her life there was still something that was hugely missing causing a constant ache inside of her.

Spending time with Alankrita where her every achievement was celebrated and each talent appreciated; was the brightest part of her entire week. And she went back to face her life with a renewed vigour. Alankrita by just being herself and her encouraging nature had brought back a spark in Nimi’s life that perhaps she had only felt during her college days when she was much younger. She now wanted to be the best version of herself and dream the dreams her soul was yearning for but her eyes had forgotten to see.

And while she devoured the wonderful sights of nature around her, she switched back to reality when she heard a familiar song playing on the Bluetooth speaker. Picking up the paint brushes she squirted her favourite orange and blue colour onto her palette and set off painting colourful flowers making big strokes to the tune of the song.

Nimi kept looking at the wall while she painted and quietly said, “I think I have chosen orange today because I need a vibrancy and proactiveness in my life. This will help me take more control of my life. Every decision I make and every task I do on a daily basis is taken keeping in mind my children and my husband. Somewhere in the middle I completely forgot what I wanted for myself. Alankrita, who was painting a beautiful water lily, replied softly, “I think you should jot down these points in your journal and you will get the answer from within you.”

Though Alankrita loved to nurture her friend, she also wanted her to find the strength inside her to survive the battles she fought with her mind and find her true authentic self. Nimi knew in her heart that she didn’t require any hand holding while she worked on herself, as this was one journey she had to take herself and experienced each step she took, the change could not be made. She sat down to jot these points to reflect on them later.

Alankrita was engrossed in her painting and silently she reflected back on her life. It was just a year back, she sat up there feeling completely lost.

She had recently given up her full time job and had decided to work from home. She had a whole bunch of ideas brewing in her mind but nothing seemed to be working out and she felt completely directionless. And today she had a renewed purpose in life as she returned to being her authentic self. The more true she became to herself, the more things became clear for her and she could envision a beautiful tomorrow.

“Why do people run after a mirage created by superficial and materialistic minds? “ She asked to noone in particular.

And still staring at the wall she replied, “It saps out all creative force from a human being while trying to achieve the unbelievable standards, material wealth and validation from a bunch of fools who are not even happy with themselves.”

Nimi left her paintbrush and sipped on her tea while she let these words simmer in her head.

Her constant struggle had been to gain validation from a bunch of people who would never give that to her because of their own insecurities. It suddenly hit her that it was her authenticity and her power that intimidated them.

She gone through major upheavals in her life, losing her mom and a recent health scare to reach to a plane where one can arrive only after enduring immense pain, self-introspection and discovery. While she cared for each one of them, she now refused to give them the power to control her happiness.

Another beautiful tune started playing on the speaker and she closed her eyes. Suddenly, it was night. She could hear waves crashing on the shore and she was walking on the beach staring in the stark darkness, there was the huge ocean in front of her but she could see nothing. That is when she realised that THIS IS IT!

We are but just a tiny speck in this huge universe. It is so huge and unfathomable that we can never totally grasp it. But we can feel it and become a part of it and just as we surrender the ego, the fears and the insecurities – all we are left with is a huge feeling of Love that fills our entire heart and the whole being. You can travel many worlds this way but you realise that the whole world is actually just inside of you. You are not searching for ‘anyone’ or ‘anything’; you are searching for your soul that is the actual YOU not this body that is too busy in fighting the silly battles of the outer world and causing you so much hurt.

It was the chirping of the birds that made her open her eyes again and she came back to the NOW, still on the terrace.

This post was first published here.

Published by Social Dragonfly

An inclusive and holistic community to promote personal growth and holistic well-being. We offer personal and group sessions using Expressive and Creative arts modalities in a therapeutic way.

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